The Squareheads

It all started one wintry type day in 1987. Two kids were hanging out in a park. One of them had a mullet, was wearing a Duran Duran t-shirt, and was named Daniel. The other could speak no English and was named Jan. These two were best friends even though they couldn't understand a word the other was saying. Now on this day as they sat there on the swings eating cookies and talking about Batman a bully walked into the park. His name was Anthony. Now this kid Anthony was jealous. He had no friends. He sat by the gate looking at them. One blabbing about Batman, the other chatting away in Hungarian. So this bully picked up a snowball and threw it at the mullet kid knocking him off the swing. And so began the Squareheads legacy.


Travel forward to 1997. The three kids of Sherburn Street were now in high school. Anthony was the man. He was on the football team, had a group of girls following him around, was the teacher’s pet, and had a thousand true friends. Daniel on the other hand was in grade nine and was beat up at least once a day. Then in 1999 Anthony took pity on this poor kid who no longer had a mullet but still loved Duran Duran. It was during gym glass. As Daniel sat on the bench crying for being pantsed in front of the girl he liked Anthony went over to him.

“Hey aren’t you that kid who hangs out with that German guy and can never get a date?” He asked.

“Yeah. My name is Daniel.”

“Cool. Want to be in my band?”

“Sure.”

And so it began.



Anthony and Daniel soon started hanging out together all the time and every now and again they would hold a jam session. But it wasn't until 2000 that the band came together. Jan had gone back to Austria so they were out of a guitarist. Luckily Daniel had befriended two dudes named Matt and Paul who could play guitar and drums. Together they formed Mobigggsly. Now Mobigggsly was not the greatest band but they weren't the worse band out there either. They were probably somewhere in the middle. They mostly played charity events and blew stuff up. But then came the big day. Matt and Paul quit.



After they quit Anthony was left with some soul searching.

"I was lost and didn't know who I was. My girlfriend had left me for Paul. My band was dead and my only friend was Daniel. I would walk the streets for days. Thinking. What should I do. All I want to be is a Rock and Roll Animal. I would go home every now and again and listen to my tapes." Then one day out of nowhere Jan returned from Poland. It was finally time to rock!



The Squareheads were officially formed in 2000. Jan was on guitar, some guy named Brian was on drums, Daniel was forced to be on bass, and Anthony was the lead singer. Their first song was called Rock N Roll Animal and was all about Anthony's soul searching. Their next big hit was called U-Boat Attack and was written by Daniel. At first people thought the song was about a U-Boat attack but really it was on Daniel's conflicts with love.



For the past 3 years the Squareheads have been busy playing, getting girls, drinking, making stickers, and working on their cd. To the world everything looks like it's been going good, but really nothing has gone right. Brian left in early 2003 because of his girlfriend but really he left because he couldn't take what was happening with the band any longer.

"I couldn't take them any longer. Anthony treated women with no respect at all. And the way he treated us too. Like this one time he came late to practice smelling like a gutter creature on rum. He could barely walk and he looked so pissed off. We started playing All Through the Night and suddenly he turned to Daniel and started screaming at him telling him he was worthless and then he started pounding on him. There was blood everywhere. Me and Jan stood there freaked out. We were too scared to move. That's when I knew I had to get away."



After Brian left he was replaced with a quiet Scottish boy named James Shand who was an extremely talented drummer but had terrible stage fright. He had the ability to get sick right before a show.

"We knew it was time for him to leave when he came down with the Small Pox right before his debut." Quoted Daniel. Anthony was very peeved at this though and threatened to come kill him if he didn't play causing Jimmy to go to Scotland in May with the Squareheads manager, D-Man. So in November the Squareheads got their new playboy of a drummer. Every girl wanted him and suddenly Anthony was no longer Man of the Year.